i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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