Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize