I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
