i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
