Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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