Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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