I can tuck mytits in my pants
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
