if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
