Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
