We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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