Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
