he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
