meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
