she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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