He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
