He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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