Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize