Sry I called you an 8
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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