Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
