she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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