The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
