Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize