It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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