i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
