I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
