R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
