So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
