i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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