Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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