Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
