i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
