She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize