nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
