If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
