I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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