a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
