fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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