Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
