I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
