she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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