Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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