Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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