I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
