When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
