My room smells like vodka and shame
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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