Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
