i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Congratulations! We have a period
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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