When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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