i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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