I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
