I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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