my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize