dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
