I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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