I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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