Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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