idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
