he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
