Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
