I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
