The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Im part way to drunk.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
