I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
