He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
