Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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