i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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