Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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