Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
