bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
