I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
