Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
