p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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