Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
