remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
