I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
