I puked a lego.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
